Ethiopia or Bust!

Bags are packed and we’re ready to go!  I vascilate between sheer terror and overwhelming excitement, sometimes on a minute to minute basis.  And if I’m being really honest, the sheer terror stems more from my air travel phobia and fearing a watery grave in the Atlantic Ocean.  Never mind the fact that air travel is the safest means of transporation and that the entire time we’re in Ethiopia, my children probably won’t wear a seat belt!

I’m still doing my best to go into this trip without preconceived ideas of the way it should be, but as the time draws nearer, I’m finding it harder to do.  What if Jones doesn’t want anything to do with us? And yes, I’m not calling him “W” on this blog anymore–it reminds me of a president I had less than admirable feelings for.  Our little guy’s name was going to be changed to Jones, in memory of Mama and her maiden name, but since he has lived with his given name for 5 years, we will keep it as is.  I like the idea of calling him Jones here though, so Jones he is!

What if we see signs of significant developmental delays or physical characteristics we weren’t made aware of before we accepted his referral?  Fortunately, it takes all of about five seconds to shake myself out of that downward spiral and realize that:  1.  Our agency has an outstanding reputation and if there were things to be known about his development or physical characteristics, we would know them by now.  2.  There probably will be things about him that we don’t expect, some good and some bad.  3.  We’ll deal with it.

Adoption is different than the birth experience because you have more choices–you can choose the gender of your child, you can choose the age when you adopt them, and you even fill out a very long questionnaire stating which “special needs” you would be willing to take on with your child.  We felt like we knew our threshold of what we were and weren’t comfortable with and checked very few things on the list that we were willing to accept in a child.  It feels horrible, I might add, to fill out this form.  But the ironic part is that any adopted child has special needs, whether you check the box or not.  We were adamant that we wanted a baby when we started this process–we just knew that we couldn’t handle the risks of adopting an older child.  Funny how your perspective changes when you innocently ask for the information on some of those older, waiting children, knowing that they have such slim chances of ever being adopted.  I laugh at myself sometimes for thinking I know myself so well.

He doesn’t even know yet that he’s being adopted.   They will tell him shortly before he meets us. I still don’t know if he’s received the care package we sent him.  All he knows is today and he probably doesn’t think much beyond that because that slippery little thing called Hope has eluded him for so long.  Even after he is brought to his new home with us, I know he still won’t believe his fate–that he finally got what every child in an orphanage longs for–a family.  He’ll act out, he’ll test the limits, he will have have lost every bit of control he thought he had in his life and I have no doubt he’ll subconsciously try to make us feel as miserable as he does.  Because even though this is what he  wanted most in the world, his world will be turned completely upside down and it’s hard to see clearly from that angle, especially when you’re five years old.

I can read adoption books until my eyes cross and I can listen to my adoptive friends tell me their way of dealing with issues, but I know at the end of the day, what I’ll rely on the most is my gut (and probably a good attachment therapist!).  My gut has served me fairly well as a mother for the past 7 years, and I’m not going to second guess it too much with Jones.  We’ll make mistakes, no doubt.  What parent doesn’t fall asleep being thankful that the next day starts with a clean slate?  .

Through all the difficult and stressful times that are sure to come for us as a family, I remain optimistic that he will begin to heal, that he’ll know we’re the sure thing, that we’re never leaving his corner. It will take a lot of hard work, patience, and time, but in the end, I think we’ll look back and agree with the shirt we’re giving Jones when we meet him.  Life is good and it’s about to get even better.